Lift’s Blog

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As some of you already know, our closest friend and Lift A-Team Rider, AJ has flown the coupe. Not too long ago we threw a little going away party for his smelly ass in good ol Dirty Jerz.

Of course, we had to coerce the reclusive shitter into going thanks to Dani and Scottie Ya-bo’s. It was just a few of us, Delicious Dani, Connecticut Caitlin, Dr. Love, Mrs. Jack, Scott Tits, The Brown Star Fish, and of course Sgt. Mudd Butt himself. Don’t feel bad that some of you were not invited. I found out the last minute (the balls on this guy trying to leave without letting anyone know).

As Fred Flintstone would say, it was a gay old time. Some of us were a bit more sauced than others, but the going away party ended without anyone getting tossed down a flight of stairs by bouncers or girls head-butting holes in the wall. I guess that’s a good thing. I would have preferred some keg stands and monkeys throwing doo doo at each other, but that’s just me.

You could say that AJ was the glue that bonded us all. It was that fateful day we all took up shares at the infamous “Octagon” of Sin where I first met all these direlects. It was AJ who organized this house of debauchery and mayhem. Ahh, such fond memories. We threw some serious ragers. So raging, kids were shitting themselves in the shower (twice this happened). What’s with drinking and shitting on yourself? Whatever happened to just puking? Kids with their emo and loose assholes. Anyway, it was the start of a series of Lift misadventures.

On one random night, Phil somehow convinced AJ to allow a seminar hosted by Jagdish and Kuncan (rhymes with Dunkin) on selling household products via a pyramid scheme at the Octagon. Yeah, that went well. Soon after, Special Phil gave up snowboarding and stopped hanging out to pursue his new life as a pedler of shitty ass energy drinks. He’s probably somewhere in the midwest wearing a black sweatsuit with white sneakers spiking the fruit punch waiting for that spaceship.

Then there was the unforgettable A-Team trip to Switzerland where Tim T12 Hogan leads our group to an 80 foot cliff of certain death – FYI: Don’t follow Tim. AJ commented that after climbing out of that predicament I rode off leaving a brown trail (enough brown snow to make another me; 5x over, cookie!). The dawn patrol to Jay Peak which took 5hrs where AJ introduced me to some fuckin rad glades. Again, I follow Tim’s line and almost break my back on a hidden tree stump. And the ride to Okemo with Patti and Asia competing on who can speak the fastest Polish and drink more coffee to urinate the most. I could swear I saw smoke and brain flowing from AJ’s ears whenever Asia and Pati would say, “AJaayyy, I have to go peee.” So many stories, but not enough blog.

AJ taught some of us how to shred, he guided us through wooded terrain on mountain bikes and, staying true to his old age, repeatedly told stories that we’ve all heard of, time and time again. You may remember this one, when AJ, during a night of passionate love smashing with his ex-girlfriend, who we’ll call Crazy Whore, had an unusual request.

Crazy Whore was smashing hard, even giving AJ a run for his money, and wanted a little something extra to make things interesting, “Choke me AJ, you freakin Puerto Rican!!!”

AJ mutters calmly, “Cookie?!”

Crazy Whore yells, “Choke me you dirty Mexican!”

Quickly, AJ proceeds to grab this girls esophagus placing it in between his thumb and forefinger using the textbook Marine choke hold. Her eyes pop out her head, as she starts gagging for air. It wasn’t until she began fading out that AJ figured she had enough. “Was it good for you as it was for me, cookie?” AJ whispers gently. Meanwhile, as she lay shivering next to him, she’s coughing a lung wiping the sperm from her forehead.

Of course there are plenty of other stories, some way funnier than the others. There are several favorites which include the rant of “God Damn Sweet Paulie Cocksucker”, “When I Use to Work for UPS” and my all time favorite “I Drive Trucks.”

We’re all going to miss AJ, but I for one am happy he made the move. Never hurts to get a change of scenery and of course go where the snow is, cause it ain’t at Hunter. Besides, it’s all good to have a contact out West – more the reason to go visit, nah mean?

If you’re wondering, AJ is out west in Tahoe shredding nature’s ass in all her glory. He’s teaching Living the Dream 101 at Northstar’s learning center. I hope to see him soon, maybe in February. All y’all should drop him a line at: amalave18@justplayinaj.com

Gettin buck nasty wit it,

-Dick Fitz

Smashy Smashy. . .

The Lift international correspondent Yadi with her associate Stashek report from Ecuador:

Things here are Ok.. winter is comming here, so means.. BEACH TIME!! We went to the beach this weekend.. we had fun, we planned to go surfing in Montanita, but we woke up to late, because someone was drinking the night before (stash) we had a wedding.. It was funny, he got little drunk, and he tried to get into another wedding in the club.. hhaha.. Things here are OK, can’t wait to January 1St we are going to Peru to do some surfing and he wants to take kiteboarding or something like that… My cousins kidnaped him 2 weeks ago.. they went drinking..

Editors note – Yadi’s cousin, Alejandro, appears to be doing well since that fateful night of drinking. Although, Alejandro dabbles in Goth and loves to paint his nails black, just recently Stash has been able to wean him off his obsession with cutting himself. Changes can be made, one day at a time.

Ecuador “The Land of the Little”. From Left to Right: Uncle Jorge, Yadi, Stash, Alejandro, Rosalita, Maria, Paco

Pray for snow.

Hey Mr. Dick Fitz…why don’t you cheer up. On that same page you linked the rain storm to, you fail to mention & show the potential for a NOREASTER! I think you are depressed and should see a doctor…because you are only pointing out the negatives SHUN! Recognize.

Holiday storm! Jim Cantore predicts mad snow yo!

I love this Picture of the Day at Hunter. The comment is the icing, I mean despite the gloomy Hunter Black Cloud in the background the snow is super!!! So spend your 50 dollars on a broke ass lift to ride 2 trails. Everyone looks pissed in that picture if you ask me.

December 21, 2006

We have super conditions despite the unseasonable weather… everyone is enjoying the snow.

By the way, rain Saturday and then it’s brick for the remainder of the weekend. Hunter Glacier in full effect, son.

Love,

-Dick Fitz

This one is definitely hip…….